Dear reader,

I am not a therapist.

I have, however, been teaching improv for over 10 years. What’s improv? For the most part it’s viewed as a pathway to comedy, which I think is therapeutic in its own regard. Laughter might be, as they say, the best medicine. But, as a teacher of improv, that’s not what compels me most.

The teachings and tenants of improv have the ability to make us better people. The craft fosters creativity, positivity, listening skills and an emphasis on emotion. I’ve had students tell me learning improv has changed their lives (and always for the better). And, the best thing about improv, in my opinion, is you really can’t do it alone. Then it’s just you talking. It requires either people in the audience to witness your piece, or, best of all, a partner.

In improv performance we look for a partner that is giving, open, fun and listens really well. Ring a bell? It’s what most of us look for in our romantic partners. And the ways we create relationships on stage are really much the same as we create them in real life--with patience, fear, love, mutual understanding and a pinch of silliness.

Really, we’re all improvising all the time. Every conversation we have is a moment of improv. Every time we come up with an activity for our kids, we’re improvising. Mostly, we improvise our way through our romantic relationships. None of us have been in this particular relationship before. It’s the most important relationship in or lives, which makes it a little scary--much like for performers the relationship between the audience and the actor when we improvise.

But the tools we use to create something on the spot can be equally as helpful in real life relationships. Now, I’m not saying you’re going to become a comedian or ever take to the stage. That’s not the point here. This is about using some exercises of ours to learn a few new tools and, hopefully, have a little fun doing it. And, if it inspires you to take an improv class, so be it.

The exercises in this blog are typical exercises used in most improv training, only tweaked a little with relationship in mind. If one is difficult for you, don’t give up. The hard ones are the ones you need to work harder at. For most, this will be listening. We’re such awful listeners it comes as a shock often when we find we really struggle when asked to do it actively.

Now, I’m going to ask the same of you that I would my students. Here are the rules:

1. Have fun. There's no use doing something if you can’t have fun.

2. Fake trust even if you don’t have it. Manufacture some trust in this art, in yourself and in your partner. Fake it long enough and you may find you don’t need to fake any more.

3. Have some energy! Really commit to trying these exercises. Have some coffee, do some cardio--whatever you need to do, but find yourself some energy.

4. Be patient. Things take time. Don’t expect a change over night. I often use a metaphor that improv is like running a marathon. In order to be strong runner, you need a strong body. Often that means working one particular muscle--isolating it until it’s strong. It’s often sore after. But on the big day, when it’s time to run, your hard work will pay off. In other words, work through anything that’s uncomfortable. You’ll be stronger for it in the end.

5. Don’t judge your partner. Keep your eyes on your own work. Let them work at their own pace and respect them for trying.

6. Don’t be late for class. This one doesn’t apply directly, but do stick to your appointments. Don't blow off the time you have set aside with your partner.

7. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Don’t try this blog and four others at the same time. Don’t force your partner to start Zumba class and do this book. Do one thing at a time so you can commit your attention to it fully.

8. Laugh. A lot. Laugh at yourself. Laugh with your partner. Laugh at my silly examples. Laugh at everything.

Next week I'll be posting the first part of the lesson, so check back next Monday!